Orexis

I need a plan, a structure, because, quite frankly, I am going nowhere. I feel more and more trapped by the day and I feel like I am going to lose it any minute. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t feel like someone else either. I just don’t… feel.

This is such a recurrent theme for me. And the only way I’ve found to initiate a change in 23 years is to do something drastic. Sometimes just cutting my hair and dying it a different color will do the trick and sometimes it’s raw food and water for a whole week. Sometimes it’s training twice a day for a while. Until I cannot take it anymore.

I have a appointment to change my hair color on Friday. Then I have stupidly booked 2 dinners for the weekend. I am feel I am going to be a whale by Monday.

I need a plan. I need more than just this nothing feeling.